The Power Of a “Third Thing”
Justin Bravi (Reno County Deputy Public Defender), his wife, and their newest “third thing” Beasley!
by Kelly Driscoll, Tenth Judicial District Deputy Public Defender
Sometimes, I think back to how easy life was when I was a young girl, spending time at Skateland South, rolling around to the tunes of the 90’s. I didn’t have to worry about work or other responsibilities. I could just be a kid. Fast forward 3+ decades and that light-hearted feeling of being a child is filled with the constant stress of prepping for jury trials and motions, finding time to attend all my son’s basketball games, spending enough quality time with my niece, and enjoying the time I have left with my parents, who are getting older and slowing down.
Life is stressful and oftentimes we lose sight of what is truly important. We fail to make time for ourselves and find excuses for why we don’t make our own mental well-being a priority.
The best way to be a good partner, parent, friend and advocate for our clients is to take care of ourselves, not just physically, but mentally.
A couple years ago I was attending a leadership conference through NAPD. One of the homework assignments was to watch a video by Jeff Sherr talking about “The Third Thing.” At first, I questioned why I was watching this video and how this was going to help me be a better leader. It ended up being one of the most memorable parts of that training and something I talk about with other attorneys to this day.
What is a "Third Thing”?
It’s simple. We all have our family/friends and career, but what else do we do for ourselves? What else makes us happy? What is our third thing?
I went around the organization to ask others about their third thing and here is what I found:
Christina Kerls (Northeast Kansas Conflicts) likes to crochet and knit. Her favorite is crocheting stuffed animals.
Justin Bravi (Reno County) enjoys running. He says running is his biggest stress reducer, although he also enjoys reading science fiction and playing with his new puppy, Beasley.
Danielle Hamilton Slate (DPDU) says: “My third thing is physical activity. It takes a lot of different forms: gardening, yoga, jiu jitsu, horseback riding, and general exercise. Being physically active lets me shut down the analytical part of my brain and exist within my body in the present moment. Physical activity also comes with more visible markers of success or improvement--I see the flowers grow, know that I have built the strength or flexibility for a new yoga pose, go up a level or win a medal on the jiu jitsu mats, etc. When so much of what we do on a daily basis as PD’s fails to yield immediate and/or positive results and success is found in abstract ways, the tangible results and visible improvements that accompany physical activity are something of a balm.”
Kendra Frazier (Tenth Judicial District) loves to read. Her favorite book of 2021 was Maid by Stephanie Land. Like Kendra, my third thing is reading. I try to read 100 books a year and am a self-proclaimed book hoarder. Reading makes me happy. It takes me out of my own head and allows me to sneak away into a story.
Bonnie Corrado (Sedgwick County) likes to crochet, flower garden and do remodeling/decorating projects around the house.
Heather Cessna (BIDS Director) says: “My third thing alternates between knitting and screenwriting. Our Training Director, Meryl Carver-Allmond, actually taught me how to knit about ten years ago when we both worked in the ADO together and we had a little knitting circle that ate lunch together in the ADO library. And I started screenwriting about five years ago after I was encouraged by my co-worker and fellow ADOer at the time, Korey Kaul (who is a published author in his own right—check out his book Jury Rig) to take a class with him on screenwriting at our local arts center.”
I had no idea there was an author amongst us!
Speaking of BIDS Training Director, Meryl Carver-Allmond says, “I have recently started horseback riding. It was something I always wanted to do as a kid, but never could. It is a lot of fun – but also humbling! – to be starting something new as an adult.”
Eli Duncan (Third Judicial District) was involved in the Renaissance Fair where she did everything from setting up tents and taking tickets, to being part of the royal court (queen, then dowager duchess), to sword fighting, which was her favorite. “Although I have not done it in a while, I do still pull out my swords and fencing mask every now and then. It helps to have somewhere to escape to. I’ve also played table top role playing games (i.e. D&D) since I was in elementary school and help run a convention in Wichita. I write games for other people to play, as well.”
Eli is not the only gamer in the group as Brandon Barrett (Staff Attorney for BIDS) also enjoys playing video games in his free time. Jeff Dazey (Capital Habeas Office) says, “I love building Legos with my seven year old and jamming to the Grateful Dead, preferably at the same time.”
Thank you to those who shared their Third Thing.
I was reminded of something while writing this article. When talking about The Third Thing, we mostly generalize it to ourselves. But, maybe the real key to this idea is using it as a tool to learn about others. Asking others what is important to them is an easy and effective way to connect with those around us. Too often our offices are divided by distance and lack of knowledge about the other. I want this to change. I want all of us to be a cohesive unit where we can call upon each other for help and guidance when needed. While this idea is fresh in your mind, ask yourself, “What is my Third Thing?” If you don’t have one, find one and make it a priority. Then, ask your friend, your colleague, or take a risk and ask someone in another office who you don’t know. You may just strike up a new friendship. We can all learn so much from each other, which in turn creates greater connections, better well-being and a more holistic and effective approach to advocacy for our clients.